Long lost Hetalia Bloopers -gasp-
by Einsam-Schatten
Summary: The mess-ups that they never wanted you to see. Dun dun dun. Or just some kid's ideas, created from being bored. (Crack. Just simple crack. Don't kill me please.)
1. Backscratcher

**I dunno if anyone has done this before...but probably...well, I don't care to check, because this seemed like a fun idea...well. So, prepare. This may be a one-shot...may have a few chapters...Bleh, it depends.  
Warning: Contains slightly pervy Italy, OOC Germany, Language, Ideas by a dumbass, crack, and Herr Shtick :3**

{Blooper 1}

(America) I got the first line...FUCK YEAH!

(Italy) Say it!

(America) Um...that was a long line...can...okay, I need to see the script again!

{Blooper 1 Part 2}

(America) Got it! The world conference starts and...don't got it...

(A few of the countries) Pfff...

{Blooper 2}

(Germany) So...stick...I know...it's pretty sudden...and we just met and all but...I want you to...well...oh I can't say it...

(Herr Stick being voiced by Russia) Yes, Germany? You can tell me anything.

(Germany) Well, it's just...I'm out of backscratchers so...will you?

(Herr Stick) Wh...Wha?

(Germany) *scratches his back with the stick*

(Herr Stick) Wait, I never agreed to this! Oh fuck! Noooo!

(Germany) *starts laughing hard* Oh God, Ivan, stop, stop!

(Russia) *peaks from behind a bush* Heeeh~

{Blooper 3}

(Italy) Waaah! I'm sorry, I am not the box of tomatoes fairy! I- eh?

(Germany) *slams lid back on* Phew, glad that's over.

(Italy) *laughing from inside the crate*

{Blooper 3 Part 2}

(Italy) Waaah! I'm sorry, I am not a virgin! Oh fuck wait, I combined lines. Blehfugerder...

(Germany) Pfff! How the hell did you manage to do that!

(Italy) God, I don't know, Ludwig!

{Blooper 4}

(Italy) *sleeping for real*

(Germany) *puts on a southern accent* Y'know what, boy? I'm tired of ya sleep in' on mah floor! Get! I dun give no fucks if your mah enemy! I said get!

(Italy) *wakes up suddenly* OH HELL IT'S HONEY BOO BOO!

{Blooper 5}

(Italy) Germany, Germany, Germany is a really really nice place! Even though we're enemies he fucks me! And it's not boring like Greek style! Oh ho-

(Germany) Oh god don't!

(Backstage staff) Hahaha!

{Blooper 6}

(Japan) Ni hao, I'm Kai Lan!*

{Blooper 7}

(France) I hope you weren't bubse- upso- blaaaaaaaah! What the hell is wrong with me?!

(Russia) No, I was not bubset at all!

(France) *chuckles* Are you sure you weren't just a little bubset?

(Russia) I wasn't bubset, but when I make them all become one, they'll be bubset kolkolkol.

(France) Oh, you!

(Russia) Oh, me!

**-**

*** Ni hao Kai Lan- A really dumb kiddy show. It's based off of Chinese culture, not Japanese, but I don't really give a fuck so...**


	2. Theme song bloopers

**Bleeeeeh...theme song blooper heh**

**-**

{Blooper part 1}

(Italy) Nee Nee Papa...wait...what the hell, what is this language?! How do you suppose I pronounce this?!

{Blooper part 2}

(Italy) Thanks for translating this, Kiku! Now, I'm gonna sing this in English, so suck on that!

(Staff) No, wait, it has to be in Japanese!

(Italy) Then you should've had Kiku do it! Ahem! Hey hey papa, may I have some wine? *random bottle of wine hits him square in the face*

(Everyone) *gasp* !

(Russia) He did ask for wine! *grins*

(China) I know! But you're not his papa, though! *gasps*

(Everyone) *gasps again* !

{Blooper part 3}

(Italy) Hey hey, papa, totes gimme wine! Hey hey mama hey hey mama! It doesn't matter what you say YOU'RE GETTING ME THAT FERRARI!

(Germany) Quit goofing around, Feliciano!

(Italy) Who are you to say that? Remember Herr Stick?

{Blooper part 4}

(Italy) Marukaite chik-poopoo, Marukaite chik-poopoo-!

(Japan) What are you, five?!

{Blooper part 5}

(Italy) Boku Italia!

(England) No! Boku Hetalia!

(Italy) Italy will rule all someday...

{Blooper part 6}

(Russia and Germany) *drunk* *dancing like L.A. showgirls* *singing off key* L.A! SHOWGIRLS! L.A. SHOWGIIIIRLS! . *

(Sweden) Do the Caramelldansen!

(Russia and Germany) *doing the Caramelldansen* Vi undrar är ni redo att vara med!

(Italy) Macarena! Do it! *doesn't care that they're taking over his scene*

(Russia and Germany) *dance the Macarena* When I dance call me Macarena! And the boys they say que estoy buena! They all want me, they can't have me!

{Bloopers part 7}

(Italy) And then I was all "That's not a circle, that's the Earth!"

(Russia and Germany) *still drunk* *laughing and pounding their fists on the table*

(Italy) *points* These guys! These guys know what I'm talking about!

(Staff) SING THE FUCKING SONG ALREADY!

**-**

***Something a close cousin and I liked to do out of boredom, when we were a bit young.**

**So, marukaite chikyuu! Cya~**


End file.
